Weird Fishes

This morning I was woken up at 7am with a phone call from my 20 year old hot dish. I've been acting like a crazy 18 year old phone stalker with him ever since I left - sending him text messages, emailing him, calling him. Like I mentioned before, I deleted his phone number from my phone so this call was a surprise. So anyway, for the first time we actually talked on the phone. It turns out that he drank too much Patrone and took too much Aderol hence he's awake 4am his time, 7am my time. Speaking to him is like speaking to well, an immature 20 year old kid. It was painful. He was sitting in his apartment in Arizona while his friend Leah (yes, I already tried to look her up on Facebook) was passed out in the living room. Like a crazy woman, I offered to buy him a plane ticket out to NYC (he's never been) but he declined the offer because he has, "too much work to do." I realized besides great sex, we don't have much in common. I will try to curb my fantasies about him today.

Last night on my way to my buddy's house, I passed a Frenchman and his two year old kid (who had a scarf tied around his neck - how oh so French). The dad was checking me out. All I could think of is how if I was was either dating or married to him, him and his son would go back and forth at what an idiot I am in French while I sat there at the table without a clue what the fuck they were saying.

The faux pas of the day with men is - BAD SHOES. If a guy is wearing bad shoes it is a deal breaker for me. To be safe wear gray New Balances.

I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises. I thought you were the girl I always dreamed about.

After work I went to meet friends at a dive bar by NYU with $3 tap beers. As the first one there I sat at the bar and pulled out my book. Four loud undergraduate students were going on and on about Indonesia. I don't know how these four losers became friends...oh, yeah I do. They are all losers that found each other and found out that they like Indonesia. They probably all went for a couple of weeks and now they think they are experts on the subject. Did I mention they were all crackers? All I could hear is, "Well in Indonesia all they care is about what kind of religion you are and in Indonesia, everyone asks if you are married...." I almost wanted to take the muddle the bartender was using and stick it in both my ears to blow out my ear drums so I would never have to listen to the word "Indonesia" come out of some snot nosed just turned 21 kid with a small dick.

Instead I decided to put on my iPod (yes I was the bitch listening to the iPod in the bar) and wait. I immediately got hammered after three drinks and by that time my friends were also two drinks deep. We went to another bar where I started to panic and get even more hammered and dropped an "I got to go home vibe." I found a cab, called my 20 year old lover I met out west (we met each other while I was on vacation there last month). He told me he was with his metal band and that he would call me later. It's official, I've been stalking him ever since I've gotten back to NYC with calling him everyday and sending him photos. For every 6 texts and 5 phone calls I get he calls me once. It's like a math equation.

Tonight I am writing his number down on a piece of paper, sticking it in my Bukowski 'Post Office' book and erasing it from my phone. So when I got home I called my best friend Shane who now lives in the south and told him how depressed and broke I was and how I wanted him to come up here and hold me. He told me that I should watch some Red Tube and relax.

While on the phone I put on some Red Tube girl on girl action (which never appealed to me before), got off the phone with Shane, and did my business which miraculously made things better...maybe not so much of a miracle.

I watched The Office and once again wondered what kind of porn Jim watches in real life, made some raviolis, and passed out on my couch.