I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises. I thought you were the girl I always dreamed about.

After work I went to meet friends at a dive bar by NYU with $3 tap beers. As the first one there I sat at the bar and pulled out my book. Four loud undergraduate students were going on and on about Indonesia. I don't know how these four losers became friends...oh, yeah I do. They are all losers that found each other and found out that they like Indonesia. They probably all went for a couple of weeks and now they think they are experts on the subject. Did I mention they were all crackers? All I could hear is, "Well in Indonesia all they care is about what kind of religion you are and in Indonesia, everyone asks if you are married...." I almost wanted to take the muddle the bartender was using and stick it in both my ears to blow out my ear drums so I would never have to listen to the word "Indonesia" come out of some snot nosed just turned 21 kid with a small dick.

Instead I decided to put on my iPod (yes I was the bitch listening to the iPod in the bar) and wait. I immediately got hammered after three drinks and by that time my friends were also two drinks deep. We went to another bar where I started to panic and get even more hammered and dropped an "I got to go home vibe." I found a cab, called my 20 year old lover I met out west (we met each other while I was on vacation there last month). He told me he was with his metal band and that he would call me later. It's official, I've been stalking him ever since I've gotten back to NYC with calling him everyday and sending him photos. For every 6 texts and 5 phone calls I get he calls me once. It's like a math equation.

Tonight I am writing his number down on a piece of paper, sticking it in my Bukowski 'Post Office' book and erasing it from my phone. So when I got home I called my best friend Shane who now lives in the south and told him how depressed and broke I was and how I wanted him to come up here and hold me. He told me that I should watch some Red Tube and relax.

While on the phone I put on some Red Tube girl on girl action (which never appealed to me before), got off the phone with Shane, and did my business which miraculously made things better...maybe not so much of a miracle.

I watched The Office and once again wondered what kind of porn Jim watches in real life, made some raviolis, and passed out on my couch.